Once was lost

 Oh, where to start?  I started this for me but then couldn't face the things I knew I should!  I am trying to change that.  Thank God for the true friends that make you face it.  The ones that don't tell you what you WANT to hear but what you NEED to hear!  I lost focus on my marriage, well focused on the negatives.  I closed my heart to him.  I sat around feeling sorry for myself and because of that I started to lose who I was.  My relationship with my husband suffered and so did my relationship with God.  I put myself in a bad position, put my heart in a bad position!  For that, I have no one to blame but me.  Now I am choosing to open my heart back up, to stop pushing him away.  I am trying to renew my relationship with God, my husband and myself.  It is hard sometimes and sometimes I feel alone.  It's not that I am alone, I have a great support system, but they don't always understand because they maybe haven't been there.  My marriage has had its ups and downs on both our parts, but I am not ready to throw in the towel.  I thank the Lord for renewing my heart and my love, for helping me to focus on the things that I need to, for making me a stronger, more loving and more importantly a Godly wife, mother and friend.  Admitting all of this to myself was hard, but it was the first step.  Ignoring things does not make it better or disappear!  I am hoping and praying that my husband will find a job close to home very soon so that we can focus on our healing.  We deserve our happy ending!  I just have to say that I am truly blessed to have my husband!