Contemplating

One of my best friends has been battling cancer for the last year and a half.  It has been one of those situations that you try not to think about too much.  I have tried not to show my worry, sadness or pain except to a few people.  With everything she was dealing with I didn't want to add to her stress.  It has taken a lot out of me, more than I've shown to anyone.  She has been one of my best friends for 16 years, the thought of losing her has been unimaginable!  She has been thru SO MUCH!  How do I keep being strong for her when I feel like I will fall apart?  I'm terrified of what she is about to go thru.  I try to just be there, just love her!  She is one of the most amazing people I have ever been blessed enough to know.  The strength that she has had, well, there aren't even words to describe it!  I am doing my best to not let my fears get the best of me.  I try to have even an ounce of the strength she has.  I thank the Lord for bringing her into my life, she has taught me so much!  I worry that I haven't done enough for her or been there enough.  Is there more I could be doing?  I pray for her continuously.  I never want to think about the what-ifs but I don't want to waste any time I may have with her either.  I don't ever want to make this about me...ever, but it's hard to see someone you love so much go thru something like this.  Am I saying the right words?  Am I giving enough support?  Did she see those tears fall?  Get my emotions in check and focus on her, I can deal with me some other time!  Does she know how much I think of her?  Have I told her enough?  Don't ever leave because I can't imagine my life without you!