Withdrawn

I am ghostly

Blind to your sight

You no longer see me

As long as your right

Purpose to look away

Gone from your thoughts

Pretend I'm not there

Not doing what I ought

The hole made more vast

Ready to abdicate

No longer relevant

Is my unknown state

The eyes upon me

The hateful glare

The pain that is caused

 Can not compare

The things that you think

Rip apart my soul

Seeing nothing that's there

Is beyond my control

Turn to walk away

Knowing you won't look back

I wish I could make you understand

Why my thoughts have gone black

Desolate

Streaming, Streaming

Stop these tears from streaming

Screaming, Screaming

Stop my heart from screaming

Try anything to numb the pain

Another drink, another pill

It only lasts a moment

While my mind is still

I want to reach out, call out

But my words are mired

Unable to pass thru my lips

Stuck inside to conspire

Reaching out is impossible

My arms to listless

The thoughts

Too grievous 

How long will I be lost

Where will I arrive

Will I be alone

Just cast aside

I leave little glimpses

But I must go again

The drink is calling my name

Goodbye my friend 

I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I wasn't a good enough daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend......  I'm sorry that I couldn't recover from this grief with out the cigarettes, alcohol, pills, whatever.  I'm sorry that I let you down and that I wasn't there.  I'm sorry that I broke my promise.  I hope you can forgive me for this someday.  I think I need to take a few days to evaluate my situation, just me and my kids.

I just can't do this anymore.