I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I wasn't a good enough daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend......  I'm sorry that I couldn't recover from this grief with out the cigarettes, alcohol, pills, whatever.  I'm sorry that I let you down and that I wasn't there.  I'm sorry that I broke my promise.  I hope you can forgive me for this someday.  I think I need to take a few days to evaluate my situation, just me and my kids.